It’s amazing how little holidays like Father’s Day become more meaningful as you get older. As your kids get older you come to realize that they have a choice about whether they love you or not (unlike when they were small and totally dependent on you) and it “makes your day” when they decide to spend some time with you. On the other side you realize how important each week, month and year are with your father, knowing that all the love and wisdom he has given and continues to give will one day stop. Thanks Dad.
The most difficult part of this Father’s Day actually came the day before. On Saturday, the whole family went to Katie’s wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and Katie’s Uncle gave a very insightful message. At the reception, I was chatting with one of Becki’s cousins who has 3 small children when he asked “You’ve got a great family, your kids have all grown up so well, what’s the secret?” I was at a loss. Yes, I think I’ve got the greatest kids in the world, but Becki and I know they aren’t perfect and we know we didn’t do a perfect job raising them. I quipped “it was just luck I guess”, but he wouldn’t let the question go, he wasn’t just being polite, he really wanted some piece of wisdom to take home and apply to his kids. (Let me just say that Trisha and Jeff have great kids and Jeff’s profession is Christian counseling, so he’s got a much better handle on the parenting thing than I have.)
It’s amazing how little holidays like Father’s Day become more meaningful as you get older. As your kids get older you come to realize that they have a choice about whether they love you or not (unlike when they were small and totally dependent on you) and it “makes your day” when they decide to spend some time with you. On the other side you realize how important each week, month and year are with your father, knowing that all the love and wisdom he has given and continues to give will one day stop. Thanks Dad.
The most difficult part of this Father’s Day actually came the day before. On Saturday, the whole family went to Katie’s wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and Katie’s Uncle gave a very insightful message. At the reception, I was chatting with one of Becki’s cousins who has 3 small children when he asked “You’ve got a great family, your kids have all grown up so well, what’s the secret?” I was at a loss. Yes, I think I’ve got the greatest kids in the world, but Becki and I know they aren’t perfect and we know we didn’t do a perfect job raising them. I quipped “it was just luck I guess”, but he wouldn’t let the question go, he wasn’t just being polite, he really wanted some piece of wisdom to take home and apply to his kids. (Let me just say that Trisha and Jeff have great kids and Jeff’s profession is Christian counseling, so he’s got a much better handle on the parenting thing than I have.)
I tried to relate to Jeff some lecture I had given Chris about me “having a clue” or how Meagan had her Mother’s strong will so no boy was going to take advantage of her, but nothing really seemed like the right answer. Later I told Chris about the conversation and he said, “Dad we always knew you loved us, that’s why”. Wow, even when I worked too long or didn’t keep my promise to take them somewhere, they knew I loved them. Maybe that is the key or at least one of the keys to getting your kids to grow up to be responsible adults. Make sure they know, no matter what, no matter when, you love them.
But the question kept haunting me and I got to thinking more about the question Jeff asked (I’ve never been a good “off the top of the head” thinker). Making sure your kids know you love them is the first and biggest piece to raising kids, but there are a couple of other key ingredients. Make sure they love the Lord Jesus Christ and they know he loves them. I don’t mean making sure they are in church every Sunday (although that is a part of it), but also living the best example of Christ that we can for our children, teaching them how to love and serve him. The last ingredient is probably not the most popular in today’s competitive world, but I believe for raising a child it’s very important: Don’t expect too much of your kids. Kids are kids, they make mistakes, they get distracted, they do stupid things, they don’t always try their hardest. Let them. Guide them, encourage them, scold them when necessary, but realize that not every child will be a Mozart or a Washington or a Gates. Let them be who they want to be. Now I’m not saying that anything goes. We told our kids “NO!” plenty of time and we did expect the right things out of them, like treating others with respect, telling the truth, working hard no matter what the reward, so what I think I’m really saying, don’t push your kids to be “the greatest” at everything. Let them know they are liked and loved and special when they come in last in the race or don’t score the highest test score; when their boyfriend dumps them or they wreck the car. Kids who are shown by their parents that they are special grow up to be special no matter what their talents.
It’s funny, now that I look back at what I’ve written, maybe Chris was right, it’s all about love.
Chris, Meagan and Paul, I love you!